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By Lisa Queen
As her 90-year-old husband, Laszlo, lies dying in a nearby bedroom, Emma Perlaky’s heart breaks.
“The emotion of him being sick and the realization there is no way out. When we had to realize there was no recovery from here on, that was really hard, really hard,” she said as tears welled up in her eyes.
“We used to think, ‘What will we do in the summer?’ Now, there is no tomorrow any more.”
Married for 45 years, 73-year-old Perlaky meets virtually all of Laszlo’s needs in their Thornhill home, from providing personal hygiene and cooking meals to monitoring his vital signs and getting him to medical appointments.
She has been offered help with things such as bathing assistance for Laszlo many times by the Central Community Care Access Centre (CCAC), which connects residents in most of York Region and south Simcoe County with the care they need at home and in the community.
But Perlaky wants to care for her husband herself, with occasional help from their grown sons, although she admits she may require more professional assistance as Laszlo rapidly deteriorates.
She looks surprised when asked why she does it.
“You’re doing it for love. I don’t know any other reason,” she said.
Perlaky was nominated for a Heroes in the Home award by CCAC rapid response nurse Katrina Corpus-Roque.
“I meet caregivers daily in my line of work and I have never met such an outstanding caregiver. Mrs. Perlaky has dedicated her life to her husband, going to great lengths to provide her husband the best care possible and keep him healthy,” she said in her nomination earlier this year.
“I believe that it is the likes of Mrs. Perlaky that would prevent patients with managable chronic conditions like heart failure from going back to hospital. And for this, I think the community and I are thankful for her excellent care.”
Laszlo was diagnosed with lung cancer last year but responded well to four doses of radiation.
In January, he suffered a heart attack and was in hospital for five days. Just days after he returned home, he was re-admitted to hospital with pneumonia.
After being discharged a second time, a nurse came to the home to check his lungs.
Once Laszlo’s lungs were clear, Perlaky took over the nursing duties. She has a blood pressure monitor and a unit to check her husband’s blood oxygen level at home and she keeps meticulous records of his medical condition.
By April, Laszlo had congestive heart failure and a rapid response nurse and a dietician visited. A physiotherapist has also been treating him.
But there is not much more that can be done for Laszlo any more.
Although Perlaky insists she is physically strong, she lost her left breast to cancer five years ago. She also suffers from heart problems and diabetes.
It’s her “nerves” that bother her most as she deals with the emotional toll of watching her husband die.
She rarely leaves the house any more. But listening to music, doing artwork and gardening help.
Perlaky said she doesn’t resent dedicating all her time to her husband’s care.
“Why would I? He doesn’t want more than what he really needs. Taking care of him, I don’t think about it, I just do it. That’s my job right now. Much harder to take care of myself. Obviously, I am somewhat second but I know I have to take care of myself, so I can take care of him,” she said.
“I do it happily. All of my sadness basically is coming from when I’m not with him.”
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